I hope you’re enjoying your week so far!
The physical sunshine we’ve had over the past few days makes all the difference
For this week’s Mental Sunshine, I want to talk about the difference between internal and external validation.
We all love it when someone gives us a pat on the back for our work, or tells us they like our outfit
But the bigger question should always be: How do I feel about these things?
Social media encourages us to look for validation outside of ourselves – we want likes and comments on our latest selfie or for people to approve of our opinion
But if we’re relying on that for our feeling of validation and self-worth, what happens when the external world is silent?
And what if someone tells us they don’t like our new outfit?
The key is to work on our internal sense of validation
Being sure that our actions match the person we want to be
And that we’re happy in the outfit we’re wearing!
Perhaps spend a little time checking in with yourself – Am I happy with my actions here? Do they align to who I see myself to be?
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the moment when someone praises us – but if we rely on this too much, then any negative opinion from the people around us can feel crushing.
In a work situation, we might have a boss who is not great at dishing out praise – so it’s important that we are able to self-validate and know: I did a good job here.
If we are not relying on external validation, we are more free to do the things we enjoy doing, without worrying about what other people will think
If someone provides negative feedback, I find it’s useful to consider who that person is.
I wouldn’t take advice on my relationship from someone who’s currently going through their third divorce, for example!
External validation can be fleeting and unreliable – if we’re basing our sense of self-worth on this, we can find our mood goes up and down depending on who has said what to us today
Internal validation creates a sense of stability and lasting self-worth that doesn’t depend on anyone else.
That’s what we’re aiming for – to be able to smile regardless of what anyone else says or does!