Connections

This week’s Mental Sunshine (no 166) is all about connection – and making connections with the people around you.

I don’t mean connections like on LinkedIn!

I mean forging a real connection with a real person – preferably in person!

Humans are social beings; we need to feel connected to the other humans around us.

And by “connected” I don’t mean someone you smile and say “hi” to on your way to work!

I mean feeling like you are actually connected to this person.

When we feel connected to the world around us, we feel more content and less lonely.

There has been a lot of talk of a “loneliness epidemic” and how loneliness can lead to all sorts of diseases and early death.

The antidote to loneliness is not to be surrounded by more people – you can’t just walk into a crowded bar or cafe and feel less lonely.

The answer is a true connection with a few people.

How do we forge these connections?

One easy thing you can do is to ask more open, deep questions – and give more open, deep responses.

Instead of the usual exchange of what someone does for a living, ask them: What made you go into that? What’s your favourite part of that job?

Instead of talking about your weekend plans, ask about a person’s family, how they’re feeling about something that’s going on in their life.

Ask questions that are more about who the person is, than what they do with their time.

This makes a person feel that you’re genuinely interested in them.

And it makes the conversation more interesting for both of you!

When they answer with a more personal response, match that – give them the same level of answer about yourself.

That might mean being a little more vulnerable than you would normally.

It might feel a bit uncomfortable.

But it might also mean that you feel more connected with the world around you.

Less lonely.

And in the process, you allow more mental sunshine into your life!