For this week’s Mental Sunshine, I want to talk about something I think we all struggle with – but it’s worth sticking with.
It’s the idea of self-compassion
Or just plain being kind to yourself.
The last time you were clumsy, or forgot something, what did you say to yourself?
If you’re anything like me, I’m willing to bet it was something along the lines of “you’re such an idiot!” – or worse!
But if your friend, partner or child drops some food, do you shout at them about how stupid they are?
If a friend comes to you with a problem, do you tell them how badly they’ve messed up?
Or do you tell them “these things happen to all of us, let’s look at ways of resolving this.”
I wouldn’t dream of telling my colleagues they’re useless if they’re late to a meeting – but you can guarantee that’s what I’m telling myself as I rush into the room.
The way we speak to ourselves matters – and being hard on ourselves is never going to get the best results.
This week, try to speak to yourself internally in the same way you’d speak to a friend or loved one.
Try to catch yourself as you begin a tirade, and stop it.
Replace it with something kinder.
You’re doing your best
You might feel a bit bloated after Christmas, but that doesn’t make you a bad person
You can do this
It feels a bit silly when you first try this, but really – why would you not be kind to yourself?
There have been studies showing that more self-compassion is strongly linked to lower levels of stress, depression and anxiety.
It can also improve overall wellbeing and happiness levels.
The trick with this is to keep an eye on your internal monologue and to catch yourself as soon as that negative voice begins
Don’t berate yourself for it – just notice it, and turn it around:
You’re so stupid… wait, no, we don’t talk to ourselves like that anymore.
You missed this train, but you’ll catch the next one