Have you ever spent a week away in your own company?
I know – in these emails I’m usually telling you to reach out and connect with the world around you – but it’s also important to spend intentional time alone.
There’s a difference between loneliness – being on your own and wishing you weren’t, feeling sad about it…
And solitude – spending intentional time on your own, enjoying your own company and taking some time out of things.
I recently spent a week in Ireland on my own, to rest and process my mum’s passing.
I found it incredibly beneficial.
I started in Wexford, drove up to Wicklow and then across the country to County Donegal, where my dad was from.
I visited his old farmhouse, which is abandoned now – but filled with childhood memories from family holidays there when I was small.
I’d not been back there for 50 years, and it was so lovely to be back. One man commented: “don’t leave it another 50 years!”
I went for lots of swims and dips in beautiful waterfalls, did lots of walking and enjoyed the scenery.
I spent two nights in a yurt in the middle of nowhere, completely off-grid. It was very calming and healing.
Now, I know wild swimming and off-grid yurts might not be your thing – but you can always get a holiday let or hotel.
The point is to spend time on your own –
Eating what and when you want;
Doing your own thing..
Or doing nothing at all.
One night in the Yurt, I just sat and watched the log fire burn for 2 hours!!!
I came back from my week in Ireland feeling relaxed and refreshed.
Of course, I’m not saying a week on my own has solved all my problems or means I’m suddenly “over” my mum’s death – these things stay with us forever, as you know.
But so often, someone dies or something big happens in our lives and we take a few days off work and then plunge straight back into life.
It might be helpful to “keep busy” sometimes but when we do this, we also risk just burying our feelings – and these things never stay buried.
It can be hard to sit and face these things – but it’s harder if we spend weeks, months, years trying desperately not to face them.
Spending some time in solitude, with no distractions, means we get a chance to process and deal with those feelings.
The pain is still there – but we can be more accepting of it.
It’s not bubbling under the surface, threatening to rear up and envelop us any time our guard is down.
You might think it’s selfish to just go off for a week on one’s own – but is it?
For me, it gave me some uninterrupted time where I could process my feelings and revisit some memories – without needing to worry about what anyone else was thinking or feeling.
A bit of selfishness in the short term means I’m able to come back to my normal life and be more considerate of those around me.
It allows me to not be selfish in the long run.
Have you ever intentionally spent time alone like this?